


Dear Steve (a letter from Williamsburg)

by Niimarie



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (if you tweak it), Bucky Barnes & Sam Wilson Friendship, Bucky Barnes & Shuri Friendship, Canon Compliant, Epistolary, Have You Seen Bucky's Eyes In That Scene, Heartbreak, I mean, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Time Travel, sorta - Freeform, still sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-05
Updated: 2019-06-05
Packaged: 2020-04-08 03:48:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19099150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niimarie/pseuds/Niimarie
Summary: Sometimes it's easier to write than to talk.Or: In 2023 Steve Rogers set out to return the Infinity Stones, but didn't come back as planned.In 2024 James Buchanan Barnes decides to write him a letter he'll never get to send.In 1946 a different Bucky was rescued by unidentified operatives, before HYDRA could fully implement the Winter Soldier Program.





	Dear Steve (a letter from Williamsburg)

**Author's Note:**

> Short little piece I hope you'll like. One of these days, I might get to write a multi-chapter story for these two, but for now this is where my ideas take shape. 
> 
> Please leave a feedback.

Williamsburg, 2nd May 2024

~~Dear Steve,~~

~~Hey,~~

Dear Steve,

It’s been a while since I’ve written any letter, so don’t laugh. Sam’s idea to write you one. He told me it helped him after Riley, to get rid of some of the stuff inside, so I thought I might give it a try. It’s not like you’ll ever read it, so no pressure on me.

 ~~Shit.~~ I don’t know where to begin. I guess it’s easier to write than to talk, but the last time I wrote to anyone was back in basic. I remember that one time Ma sent me a box full of chocolate and I tried to convince everyone that it came from my girlfriend. I kept all her letters in a shoe box, together with yours and the girls’. Left it back home, but I guess it’s been thrown away by now. Or maybe Becca’s kids kept it. I’ve never met them. Don’t think they would want to. Crazy POW-turned-brainwashed assassin uncles aren’t exactly in high demand these days.

So, life. Life’s good so far. The world’s still adjusting. There are courses and stuff for the Snap’s survivors. Every day there’s a new census, new paperwork to fill out. The infrastructure isn’t up yet for double the population, but we’re getting there. Was it like that for you guys, the first couple of years after? Funny how five years can throw humanity off course. It’s easier for me, and for once I don’t hate it. Waking up in the wrong decade doesn’t faze me anymore. Lucky me.

I never asked you how you felt after the ice. I feel like an idiot now. I just took it for granted that it was one more thing we could relate to. Two boys out of time. But it wasn’t the same for you, was it? Did it hurt? Did you feel overwhelmed? Most likely you did. You never liked change. Didn’t shut up for weeks after I set our couch a bit to the left, remember that? Made room for Mrs Watson’s old coffee table, but you hated it still.

Sam’s almost as bad as you, and yes, I moved in with him. He still got that house in DC and we also stop by NYC every couple of weeks (because Strange practically never steps out of the Sanctum and the only way to get into contact with him is either by calling or showing up on his doorstep), but we’re on the road most of the time. You won’t believe it, but he’s gotten worse ever since you gave him the shield. No blue-and-red gear so far, but that’s only a question of time, if you ask me. You chose the right guy for the job, Steve. I hope you know that, but I’ve got a hunch you do.

Yeah, so we’re taking care of some of the stuff left over from before.  ~~HYDRA technology has turned up recently in a hospital in Belarus (don’t ask) and we’re on it~~  I probably shouldn’t write this stuff down… Wrong hands and all that. But thing is, we’re busy, which is great. Always stuff to do. It’s a nice change of pace after Wakanda. Although I’m afraid I’ve traded in a herd of goats for a goat-head as partner.

After Europe we’ll be headed for the Golden City. You wouldn’t recognize Shuri’s lab. All the new tech she’s creating needs more space, so they’re currently adding another couple of floors. I can’t wait to see her again. Okoye is warming up to me too. It’s hard to tell. That woman has a death-glare when she’s resting. Still waiting for the first Starbucks in Wakanda.

I’m happy to go. But it’s not easy. I don’t know. I think it’s the memories. That place means so much, I just turn a corner and it feels like I’m assaulted. It’s where I was given a second chance at life, for fuck’s sake. I didn’t appreciate it enough at the time, I know that now. You were there the first couple of days, so you know how hard it was. The nightmares were bad. You were the only one who knew how to calm me down. Of course, you did. Just the mere idea of going back into cryo, it scared the living hell out of me. Shuri did a great job, but all the others before her… ~~They didn’t   No one   Zola~~ See, this is the stuff Sam talked about getting rid of. Some of it at least. You saw my notebooks. Some of it is written down in them, so no need to tell you here. I still can’t do cold showers. Can’t go swimming either. There’s therapy for that too probably, but I can’t be bothered. My head is more or less stitched back together and the arm works fine as well, that’s where I draw the line.

Sorry for this. I didn’t mean to drag the mood down. You deserve better than sulking Bucky after hauling me all the way from Budapest, to Berlin, Siberia and Wakanda, just to save me. I told you once I didn’t think I’m worth it. I still don’t.

How is life treating you back in the forties? Did you find Carter and Stark straight away? And how are Dugan and the others? Tell me that you’ve met up with them. Say hello from me, will you? Gabe still owes me a packet of cigarettes. Please remind him. Oh, and you better got that dance with Carter. And Morita and I have a bet still going. Can’t remember what it’s about, but he might. I can’t tell them personally, so you have to, okay?

Technically, I can, I know. I know you didn’t fail your stupid objective, so I’m probably with you all at the table, getting wasted for old time’s sake. Criticizing the post-war bourbon, just because I can, and Dum Dum agreeing with me, because if there was ever an expert on good ol’ American bourbon it has to be Dum Dum Dugan.

I won’t ask what went wrong, why you didn’t come back as we’d discussed. It’s okay. There must have been a rock solid reason, Steve. You looked happy that day by the lake, so I won’t push the subject. Life’s been hard on you, and you don’t deserve me to make it any harder. You know I can be a jerk sometimes. I’ll do my best not to be.

Sam’ ~~s tried to get me on Tinder. It’s a dating platform.~~ Says I should get out there, that it’ll do me good to meet new people. He’s worried a lot, I know that. He’s a good friend. Got my back. But I wish he’d back off at times, you know? For now, I’m good as I am.

It’s still strange to see people like us on the street. Like two guys just casually holding hands as if there’s no care in the world. Not like it’s easy even now, but. Easier. Every time I see a thing like that I think of that poor schmuck who lived across the street from us. The Italian who got disowned by his family after they found out and got thrown out of his apartment by the landlord, remember him? Back in our day, doing these things was practically suicide. And yet, there we were in Wakanda not giving a fuck. We had peace. We deserved that, but Christ. I could kiss you all day long and no one bat an eye.

I miss that. I miss sharing that tiny bed with you. I miss a lot of things. You were my silver lining. That sounds cheesy, but it took me long enough to figure that out. If only I’d come around sooner. But saying goodbye would have hurt no matter what. There is no amount of time that would have qualified as enough. No matter what, I’d still be needing more.

Isn’t that one of life’s great lessons? Well, in that case I’ve failed the test.

At least I know that another Bucky got to have more time. Still one-armed (unless you managed to prevent the fall too), but probably a lot less shaky when you rescued him. The wipes didn’t start before year two, or sometime around forty-seven anyway, so his memory should’ve been fine. Less of a handful than me.

Did you damage your suit during the rescue? Is that why we couldn’t get you back? ~~Why didn’t you tell us?~~

I saw the ring. ~~Can’t say that it didn’t hurt~~. It’s a nice ring. I know it hasn’t been legal here for that long, so it must’ve been quite new.

I never really considered settling down the way you did. Ma always nagged me about it, but there was the war. No one thinks about starting a family when they’ve been drafted to kick Nazis in the nut sack across the Atlantic. I mean, I guess the picket-fence and the Sunday roast weren’t too far-fetched. Only thing missing was the girl.

We never talked about this in Wakanda. Because we had time, right? No need to think about those things yet. Everything was good the way it was. I didn’t have any expectations. Just life. With you, if you wanted that. Hopefully an end to the fighting.

In the end you got the picket-fence. I’m happy for you. It must have been hard, hiding it for all those years. I hope you got the happiness you deserved. I’m proud of you. Both of you.

And don’t worry about me. As you’ve surely noticed, the world has still a need for crime-fighting nut-jobs like me.

.

.

. 

Bucky.

 


End file.
